Ibu

 2nd of April 2021

It was around 7 in the morning, I was still drowsy and I was getting ready to go to work as usual. Suddenly I got a call from a dear friend of mine.

Bibie : Babe, balik please (sobbing)

Me : What's wrong bie? (confused with the situation)

Bibie : Ibu dah tak ada... 

Me : Ibu gi mana? (Double confused)

Bibie : IBU GI MANA AMENDA! IBU DAH TAK ADA!!

Me : ...... 

Bibie : Balik la babe...

Me : Bie... tak lawak bie...

Bibie : I'm not joking la.. 

Me : When?

Bibie : Just now...

Me : Wait for me....

With that I hang up and without thinking twice I grab my bag, keys and went straight out the house while googling the nearest police station. While warming up the car I tried to call my manager but I couldn't reach her so I took the initiative to WhatsApp her. I was stupid for hoping that she will reply asap. Once the car have been warm up, I quickly drove to the Sunway Police Station. 

I was a mess since I couldn't think straight at all. I went inside and the officer was looking at me weirdly but I choose to ignore it. He greeted me and I nodded. I told them that I need their permission and their permit to go to Perak. They asked me why and I told them due to death of my mom (adopted mom but you get it). They asked if I have any proof and I told them my older brother is in process to get the report. They just nodded and gave me a form and asked me to fill it in.

I only realised that I was trembling when I couldn't hold the pen properly. I quickly fill it up and went back to the officer for his signature. I thanked them and went out... I was about to go to my car while searching for my keys in my pockets and stuff but I couldn't find it. I was lucky I'm still standing in front of the Police Station. I went back in and searched for my keys. Luckily it was still on the table.

I picked it up without looking at the officers and went out again. The embarrassment was out from my mind at that time, the only thing I want is to go back to Perak ASAP. I realised that the officers believed me due to my state that time... ( too late to realised that tho) After my permission was granted I went back to my rented house and quickly pack my stuff into my gym bag.

I got a call from my colleague and asked me if I'm alright and I couldn't say much, they told me to calm down and take my time don't rush things up and drive safely. Without wasting more time, I went back to my car and start to drive. It was 8 in the morning at that time when I was about to drive.

I know that when driving the most important thing is to know the limits but I couldn't care less and I know that I'm being reckless but at that time the only thing that was in my mind is to get to the Hospital as soon as I can which is why I drove with 140-160 km/h. I arrived at the Manjung General Hospital within 2 hours. 

Once I arrived I called Bibie to asked her where the fuck is she? and she told me that she's at the forensic department. Do bear in mind that I hate hospitals and that time is my first time being there. I looked around like an idiot while the sign board lead me until I found a death end.. I was so frustrated and I tried to find someone to asked for help... I think Allah S.W.T helped me a lot since I can spot a few nurse in short distance. I quickly ran towards them and asked them for help.

They show me the way and I thanked them while bowing 90°. I walked as fast as I could while ranging Bibie. We were arguing since I couldn't spot her at all. I was about to snap at her but luckily I finally spot her whom sitting under a tree. I quickly shout her name. All eyes was fixed on me but I ignore them.

I walked towards her and hug her. She asked me to sit down and rest. I nodded and settle down. We didn't talk much and I couldn't think much since I can't think a thing. Then Dayat greet me, I nodded at him. After a few hours there, all the family members are waiting for the doctor's permission to see arwah ibu. I think it's around 4 that we got permission to go in there but I decided to wait for them outside since I'm not brav enough and strong enough to see her.

After a while, they went out again. I waited for Dayat and Bibie... Dayat told me that we're going to Taman Mas's Mosque I nodded and I was about to go to my car but he told me that I'm with him. I was about to say something since there's no way in hell I will let anyone else drive my car, but I couldn't say a word when I looked at his state. I nodded at him and went along with him and bibie.

P/s: Arwah ibu is actually Dayat's biological mother, and he is Bibie's husband. I was included since I am Bibie's best friend and I'm quite close with arwah ibu.

Let me tell you something if you said that I'm reckless while driving, you should be with me at that time when Dayat's driving. I literally yell to him like this "Yatt, kita tak nak ada jenazah lain hari ni weyh!" I keep reciting the shahadah all the way to the mosque. Once we arrived, we were about to go out when Dayat literally snapping by saying "Mana Ibu?" I told him relax a while you drove too fast and ibu still haven't arrive yet. Don't worry, ibu won't go anywhere.

He sighed and nodded. We went out the car and we realised that the tires were smoky. I just shook my head and we wait for ibu outside the mosque. After a while, we can see the hearse; I told Dayat to welcome his mother. He nodded and went to the hearse. I took Bibie inside while calming her down. Now is the second time for them to see arwah ibu and again I didn't look at her.

I see people went inside one by one and suddenly I spotted Dayat went out to the corridor while crying. I ignore it since it's the best to do so. After a while, Dayat and Bibie told me that we're going to the cemetery at Lekir. I nodded and head towards my car that been drive by one of Dayat's friend. I put on the double signal and wait for Dayat and Bibie to show the way.

After a while we arrived at the cemetry and I wait inside the car for a moment before I head inside together with Bibie and Dayat. The Ustaz and other person in charge was doing their job like preparing the spot to bury ibu and stuff. For the third time, as if Allah S.W.T sending some sign for me, the ustaz open ibu face but I still didn't go to look at her. I know I'm being pathetic but my heart just telling me no. After the process of burying finished, we started to gather into a spot to recite Yaasen.

After a while, we went back home. I decide to went out to see my lil sister that night. I picked her up and went to a mamak restaurant in Manjung. After a while, I got a call from Bibie asking my whereabout. I told her to come at the restaurant since Dayat and her haven't ate anything since morning. They arrived after half an hour later. I told them to order anything but Dayat didn't want to eat anything. I advise him at least he need to drink something like Milo or something. He nodded and I asked for Milo ice for him which he only drank quarter of it. At least he drank it right?

We were chatting and joking around to release some stress when suddenly Dayat was about to punch one of the waiter there since the waiter was mocking us. I looked at him and shook my head. All of us was on the pinch of running amok so I don't want to see any blood today. You must be confuse on why I'm the one that took all the initiative for him right? It's quite simple actually, whenever there's a group of people who's on rage, sad and all one of them must be the most calm person so that the situation won't go even worse.

Someone need to be positive to get rid of the negativity. After that we went back home safely.

On the third day, I dreamt about arwah ibu. She came to me looking so beautiful and happy. She sat beside me why I didn't look at her. I told her that I'm sorry because I'm not strong enough to see her. She smiled at me. I keep apologise to her. She told me to look after Bibie and Dayat properly. I told her I will take care of Bibie but why should I take care of Dayat since he have bibie. She told me it doesn't matter and I have to look after him with bibie together. Since he might look strong on the outside but on the inside he's just a small weak boy.

I woke up in shocked. It was around 8 in the morning I think? For the whole time I stayed with them, I slept at the living room. Bibie went out from her room and looked at me in confused. I looked at her and looked down. As if I'm trying to get myself together. I could feel her sitting beside me. I couldn't hold it anymore. I put my head on her shoulder and I started to cry. At last, I finally shed some tears. I haven't shed any tears from the moment I found out she left us until now.

Bibie was shocked but she let me cry. She didn't say anything nor did she asked anything. When I looked up I saw Dayat looked at me but I ignore him and continue crying while putting my head on Bibie's shoulder. I feel as if the weight on my shoulder was lifted up when I cried. After a while I told Bibie about my dream and she just listen and nodded.

I went back on the forth day after isha'. I arrived at Sunway around half past 12. Let's just say I got into prohibition month because I took off from work for a week, but it's alright since things went well after that.

I hope that ibu will always be happy there. I love you and I miss you ibu. Thank you for sharing your love to me whom you just meet August last year.